It was hard, very hard, making that decision, as I sat on the floor in our office, that I would no longer let fear drive me. I would go forward with the cleanse … even if it meant I had to skirt death to get better.
It was scary feeling such a thing, feeling my body struggling to change. But I clung to hope. I repeatedly let go of old and new fears and I constantly prayed to the Lord for help and strength.
As hard edged as my colon cleanse specialist is, I felt grateful for her steady support. I listened to her every word and clung to her belief in my body’s ability to get through each new healing crisis that came upon me after each hydrotherapy session. I turned my self over to her as I gave her my complete faith and trust in all she instructed me to do – even in the ongoing instructions she gave me after the cleanse was over.
But the Lord wanted to teach me something.
My cleanse was over yet my spirits were gloomy due to my continual low energy, unclear mind and weak stamina. “How long have I struggled feeling this way? Has it really been four years?” I wondered.
Feeling this way and speculating upon such things, I came home after only attending one hour of church. I was fixing myself a simple meal, doing my best to juggle the constant issue of eating foods that would nourish me but also starve the Lyme, I tested myself on whether or not I should eat some kefir with berries. As I held the bowl up to my body it slipped and fell to the ground. Kefir splattered across the hard kitchen tiles.
I gasped. I stared for a minute. Then I completely broke down. I collapsed on the welcoming kitchen rug and wept bitterly.
Still crying, I went to my room, knelt at the edge of my bed and vocally spewed out my lamentations to the Lord…
‘All I have been trying to do (and all I was doing when the kefir fell) was trying to do the right thing. Trying to do my best, all I possibly can, to be well again…’
I was so tired of trying to figure it all out – trying to find that magic ingredient that would finally allow me to be whole.
‘Enough Father.’ I remember saying .’Please. Enough. No more. No more suffering.’
Oh how I wept.
I gradually calmed down and was ready to listen. Heavenly Father placed a scripture in my mind and another and yet another. I read. I pondered. I studied. I received answers to the questions I had. I doubted myself in receiving such instructions but was clearly told, ‘Do as I have said.’
It was completely against the advice my colon cleanse specialist, that invaluable guide of mine, had given me concerning such a thing.
What was it I was instructed to do?
Bread. I had just been instructed to eat ‘clean and wholesome’ bread.
I knew exactly what kind of bread He meant.
No comments:
Post a Comment